Posts

Fatherhood

  At the age of 8, my parents separated. My father visited me on the weekends, but there were fewer visits. Suddenly he would stop visiting. My mother and my older sister did a great job of filling in two different roles in my life. For that, I will be eternally grateful. I learned from my mother that parenthood is a huge sacrifice and it's a full-time job. She taught me many valuable concepts. Sometimes I wonder if I would have learned the same things if my father had been in my life.  The article titled, “What is Your Purpose as a Father?” found that having a sense of purpose helps makes fathers happier, healthier, and stronger when facing challenges. Today, fathers are spending more quality time with their children. Perhaps it is because the United States is becoming increasingly diverse. Immigrant families have brought new ideas and concepts of fatherhood to America.  Because the States are highly diverse, many fathers have mentioned the sense of crisis they have felt due to CO

A stressful family and how to cope

The word stress is defined in the dictionary as, “any type of change that causes physical, emotional or psychological strain.” Stress is our body's response to anything that requires attention or action. As humans, we are all subject to stress. Can you recall times when your family was under stress? How did your family members cope? Growing up in a big family was highly stressful. Especially when we had to go somewhere, it seemed like we could never get anywhere on time. Here are a few tips I learned: (1.) Create boundaries and roles, (2) Communicate openly & handle conflict with charity (3) Seek outside counsel (4). Build emotional intelligence skills.  Creating boundaries with each other is a healthy way to determine stressors and self-guidance. It also helps with knowing how to speak to each other. It can help determine what are one’s triggers and or promote self-awareness.  Communication is a huge skill and stress reliever. I’ve had the opportunity to have managerial experi

Marriage and sexual intercourse

  Growing up with a lot of sisters taught me a variety of important information. It also taught me to be ready so when our mother gave us the “Birds and the Bees” talk, I wouldn’t be surprised or shy. At the age of 13, the day finally came. My mother began to explain about my body. She described my period cycle and what happens to my body before and after. She explained sexual intimacy and pregnancy. I remember feeling super uncomfortable. Years later, I am grateful for my mother. Throughout my high school years, I knew some of my peers who were sexually active. The thought of sexual activity at a young age was surreal at the time. My perspective changed when my sister became a teen mom at 16 years old.  We know that we are made in the image of God. We are made to procreate and build families. Our bodies are carefully crafted for such a task! We have 4 stages of response: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Individually they prepare an individual for sex. Sex can mean a lot of

Transitions in Marriage

  A year ago, I was dating this man who I thought I was going to marry him. We related to so many different things. It all came to an end fairly quickly. I was 23 at that time, and I felt like a failure. I was depressed and bitter. At 23 I thought I had made it. W. Bradford Wilcox stated, “Twentysomething marriage is not for everybody. It requires an extra measure of maturity and intentionality.” My older sister married when she was 26. She had two kids with her now husband and dated him for 4 years. I thought it was silly that she was deciding to marry him. I asked her why she decided to marry him and she replied, “We have two kids together, it was the correct thing to do.”  There are many reasons why people decide to marry. Such as the need for intimacy, social expectations, social ideals, personal fulfillment, a desire to raise children, and a simple solution. I find these reasons quite reasonable, except for marriage is a simple solution. Perhaps I have watched too many romance mov

Preparing For Marriage.

  I believe that many people in the world are searching for love. Love, as defined in the dictionary is “an intense feeling of deep affection”. When have you felt loved? How do you show and give love? There may come a time in our lives when we will decide to become married. Which is a tremendous commitment. According to the Census Bureau, about 62% of 25-54-year-old Americans are married. How do we choose to make that huge commitment?  I am 24 years old. My mother and most of my sisters were married by the age of 20. Not long after, they decided to have kids. My mother raised me and my siblings as a single mother. She played the mother and father figure for us. Personally, I am terrified to date someone for a long period of time which may result in a possible marriage. I believe in marriage, but I am not too sure if I am enough for someone. I began to make a list of what I would want and what I would want to give. I want someone to hold me. Cherish me. Bring me flowers without asking.

Gender Awareness in Our Families

  My family consists of 12 children. I happen to be number 12, the youngest of 6 girls and 6 boys. My sisters grew up and established their families, meanwhile, some of my brothers grew up in the household. My brothers were ruthless, they treated me as one of the brothers. Although it made me mad most of the time, it taught me to have a “thicker skin” than most girls. It wasn’t until I was 12 years old that kids at school would make comments like, “you are such a boy” because I was more comfortable with playing whatever game it was at the time with the boys. Now that I am 23, there are times when I do question my femininity. Taking a mental note of my close friendships, I have more men in my inner circle. Is that because I grew it with 5 brothers? Or could it have a deeper psychological explanation?  We live in a society, where people thrive off labels, such as tomboy & girly. The term gender had changed over time. Gender: either of the two sexes (male and female), especially when

The System of the Family

Have you ever looked at your sibling and asked, “Why do you do the things you do?” Perhaps you have the same question about your entire family. In order to explain things, we create theories. “A theory is a set of logically related propositions that explain some phenomenon” (Lauer & Lauer pg. 20). A family consists of individuals who are related by blood and create complex relationships. In order for a family to have an organization, they create family rules. Family rules can either be verbal or nonverbal. They help determine what behavior is not acceptable or unacceptable. For instance, I have a family that consists of 11 siblings. I am number 12. Some of my family’s rules are: not interrupting when adults are speaking, not breaking curfew, and no yelling in the house. The way that we learned most of our family rules was by the feedback we received when we did certain things. This also created rifts in my family because at times it seemed that my mom “okayed” certain behavior from